Lost Voices

I have been quiet lately for a lot of reasons, one being that this past week I have been at an amazing human trafficking conference. What an incredible week. I am still processing all that the Lord was showing me there and am just undone. I went to this because I was asked by a friend to go, and my husband thought it was a good idea. Part of me wanted to go and part of me was petrified. Even the friend I traveled with does not know my story. I anticipated being alone and in pain. I felt familiar feelings of fear rise up in me, but I knew I was supposed to go.

Of all the things spinning in my head today upon my return, one thing has emerged for me to give voice to here today. It is the realization of how I came to lose my voice, and the realization that God grieves over my lost voice………..and yours.

I truly believe that I am not alone in having been not only shut up during my years of trafficking abuse, but also shut up during my healing process. I have mentioned on this blog before that those I sought help from for my healing did more harm than good. I was not believed. I was never validated. If there was even a small trace of belief, I was grilled for information out of curiosity.

I stopped even trying to tell my story 10 years ago, and this is also where my healing stopped.

I resolved to live alone with my pain, and with my healing. If you are reading my blog, you are among one of the first people to ever hear my story. And as good as it is to finally give voice to some of it here, there is still an emptiness that comes with the anonymity of this. You see, as survivors, what we desperately need is to be truly known, truly affirmed, truly validated, believed and surrounded by community.

I witnessed something this week that I have never seen before. I witnessed a survivor stand up and tell her story. She was validated and surrounded by community in the most incredible way. Through her words, my eyes were opened to the reality that my healing is not complete in large part due to the lack of validation and community in my healing process.

I have always wanted to believe that I could heal completely, alone with the Lord. And I have gained a tremendous amount of healing just this way – alone with the Lord, through His word and His faithfulness. But what I saw this week caused a floodgate of tears to break open in me. I wept for the loss of my voice. Even in healing, I have not had a voice. And then I wept for so many other lost voices as God just poured out His love for you and for me in this.

Sisters, we need a validating community. We need to be heard. We need it for ourselves, and others need our story as well.

I am praying today for God to restore my voice. It will be a miracle when it happens. I am crying out for Him to somehow surround you and me both with a community who validates and supports our stories so that they may be heard and used to bring others out.

If you need a community where your voice can be heard, where your story will be believed and validated and you don’t have one, would you please leave a comment or email me (stonescry1@gmail.com) so I can really pray for you too? I believe that God grieves over our silence and wants to break it, and that He will provide a community of real people to surround us and further our healing.

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About stonescry

A survivor of sex trafficking, being healed by the grace of God.
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2 Responses to Lost Voices

  1. Heather says:

    I read this a few days ago and you’ve been on my mind since. I just wanted to let you know that I’m praying for you and to say that I believe you and that what happened to you matters. It grieves the heart of God, it grieves me, and it should grieve all of us very deeply. As fellow believers, I think we’re called to mourn with you… for your lost voice and all of the other things that are lost during the abuse of sex trafficking. We’re called to comfort you in that place with the same comfort that God has given us. We’re also called to stand with you in your continued healing, even if it is just in this virtual community (but I’m definitely praying for a “real-life” community for you and me and other survivors). That kind of community is good and God-honouring, and it is right for you to seek that and to pray for that, even when all of the evidence seems to suggest that people will fail you miserably and hurt you repeatedly. We must still seek after what is good, and fellowship is one of those things

    I know that we don’t know each other, and I don’t know if anything I say will even speak to you (though I pray that it does), but I want you to know that if I could make it all better for you, I would, because your healing is important. I can’t do that, of course, and I know that words are so inadequate. The best I have to offer is what God has offered me. One of the passages in the Bible that has ministered to me the most is Lamentations 3:19-24: “I remember my affliction and my wandering, the bitterness and the galls. I well remember them, and my soul is downcast within me. Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope: Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. I say to myself, ‘The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for him.'” I just love that because it is sooo easy to become consumed with what’s happened to us and what’s been lost because of that. And while we must to continue to heal from our wounds, what should consume us during that time (and always) is the love Of God and His compassion toward us. The fact that His love and compassion is in the midst of our afflictions and our healing and capable of consuming us is such a beautiful thing. As believers, our foremost desire should be for God’s glory to be known, and it is such a wonderful hope to know that He can show us His glory in the middle of absolutely anything. That absolutely (and maybe even especially) includes sex trafficking. I see His glory in your words on this blog, and it is my hope that His glory will continued to be displayed through your story in a mighty way!

    • stonescry says:

      Thank you, Heather. I was so blessed to read this today – your words of encouragement really reached me today in such a sweet way! I love what you said about how the best we have to offer is what God has offered to us. This is so true, and the very reason why I started this blog. Healing is such a journey. I don’t have it all figured out, and was surprised to find last week how much more God desires to do in my heart. But what I do have, I offer. Thank you for offering me a piece of your heart and your healing today. I love those verses. May God continue to bring healing to us both and to so many more who walk this path.

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