Breathe

dscn0598.jpg“Breathe deep,” I tell them.  “Do you smell that?  It’s the smell of the ocean!  We can breathe better here, can’t we?” I ask, more of a question to myself than the little ears at my side this day.

I’m still in awe that I am here, in this place, on this day.  This great deep calls out to the deep places in me longing for a touch from our Maker.  Even in the dead of winter, when all is dead around me, I can return to this spot where I soaked up this mystery with the sun all summer long and find it the same.

It is the same.  And so is HE.

And my heart is longing now to find Him here, waiting, constant, unmoved by the restlessness in me that begins to settle with the crashing of the waves.

I came here today, looking for the answer to my own prayer for courage, prayed just hours before.  Courage to do what I know must be done while my heart is literally breaking in half from fear.

And I breathe.

And I watch.

And I listen.

And I find HIM.  HE is here.  He is the same.

“The ocean is shouting a secret to us.  Do you know what it is?” I ask those little ears by my side, lives full of wonder and on loan to me.  They want to know.  I lean down and whisper to each one, individually, “The ocean shouts to us that GOD IS BIGGER.”  And a smile spreads across each face as they receive the secret.

And it is this truth that I hope will answer the questions hiding behind my own smile.

How do you undo a lifetime of fear?

How does a heart learn to trust when it has only known the protection of self?

How do you free a captive that has only known captivity?

How do you walk forward into what is not seen, when what is seen screams that going that way is not safe, and the price to pay will be far too great?

I breathe deep again.  And again. Until all of the pain and worry and striving and fear that have mocked me all week begin to settle inside of me and I remember why I came here today.

I came to find courage.

I came to quiet my fear with His greatness.

I came to put the threats surrounding me into perspective.

I came to remember how He has taken hold of me in this place and rescued my heart again and again.

I came to remind myself of what His justice looks like:

Your love, Lord, reaches to the heavens, your faithfulness to the skies.  Your righteousness is like the highest mountains, your justice like the great deep. Psalm 36:5-6

I came to try to grasp the truth whispered as a secret to the little ones at my side with my own heart:

GOD IS BIGGER.

And I just keep breathing deep, inhaling His unchanging, relentless greatness, His faithfulness, His love, and His justice in this place until I have what I came for this day.

As we turn to go, I look back one last time, and breathe in courage for my next step.

Because He IS bigger.

Advertisements

About stonescry

A survivor of sex trafficking, being healed by the grace of God.
Gallery | This entry was posted in Uncategorized and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

7 Responses to Breathe

  1. Kate says:

    Mmm. I had a spot by the ocean once upon a time. I miss it. Something about the waves and the salty smell of the sea felt so healing for me. I could always think better there and pray better there.

    I love that you said that “God is bigger.” Praise God that He is bigger than even the worst, most tragic, life-altering things on this earth!

    • stonescry says:

      🙂 yes. And every time I am blessed to be able to take in a day at the ocean my whole life is just put in such perspective. We wait upon such a big God. He is bigger. I wish for you many more ocean days! 🙂

  2. Oh so Beautiful!! I love this coming to the spot….even in the midst of winter, we can breathe listen and find HIM there.

  3. Leann says:

    Just beautiful. You have a gift, my friend. And such courage. Thank you for sharing.

  4. Chelle says:

    Lovely. I experienced the ocean with you. Thanks.
    Peace and good.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s