I’m still in awe that I am here, in this place, on this day. This great deep calls out to the deep places in me longing for a touch from our Maker. Even in the dead of winter, when all is dead around me, I can return to this spot where I soaked up this mystery with the sun all summer long and find it the same.
It is the same. And so is HE.
And my heart is longing now to find Him here, waiting, constant, unmoved by the restlessness in me that begins to settle with the crashing of the waves.
I came here today, looking for the answer to my own prayer for courage, prayed just hours before. Courage to do what I know must be done while my heart is literally breaking in half from fear.
And I breathe.
And I watch.
And I listen.
And I find HIM. HE is here. He is the same.
“The ocean is shouting a secret to us. Do you know what it is?” I ask those little ears by my side, lives full of wonder and on loan to me. They want to know. I lean down and whisper to each one, individually, “The ocean shouts to us that GOD IS BIGGER.” And a smile spreads across each face as they receive the secret.
And it is this truth that I hope will answer the questions hiding behind my own smile.
How do you undo a lifetime of fear?
How does a heart learn to trust when it has only known the protection of self?
How do you free a captive that has only known captivity?
How do you walk forward into what is not seen, when what is seen screams that going that way is not safe, and the price to pay will be far too great?
I breathe deep again. And again. Until all of the pain and worry and striving and fear that have mocked me all week begin to settle inside of me and I remember why I came here today.
I came to find courage.
I came to quiet my fear with His greatness.
I came to put the threats surrounding me into perspective.
I came to remember how He has taken hold of me in this place and rescued my heart again and again.
I came to remind myself of what His justice looks like:
Your love, Lord, reaches to the heavens, your faithfulness to the skies. Your righteousness is like the highest mountains, your justice like the great deep. Psalm 36:5-6
I came to try to grasp the truth whispered as a secret to the little ones at my side with my own heart:
GOD IS BIGGER.
And I just keep breathing deep, inhaling His unchanging, relentless greatness, His faithfulness, His love, and His justice in this place until I have what I came for this day.
As we turn to go, I look back one last time, and breathe in courage for my next step.
Because He IS bigger.