Nameless One

It’s another one of those days where the losses pile up so high in front of my face that I can’t see anything else. I don’t want to be here.  I am tired.  So tired.

I haven’t written published anything in awhile because well, I’ve heard that one should not speak if one does not have something nice to say.

And there is some truth in that. Because I write to encourage, and I write to free my heart, and I write to bring hope to hearts battling, like mine, to find any.

But sometimes the truth – no matter how ugly – is the most healing thing we have to offer.

Because sometimes when I tell it like it is, instead of bottling it all inside, others come.  They come out of hiding.  They come because they see that there is at least one who is as broken.

And that they are not alone.

I don’t want to risk being just more irrelevant noise in the lives of those who have known little else than pain and destruction, because there is enough of that kind of noise in this world.

And I don’t want to risk distancing myself from those who need hope the most by being silent in these dark places – when there is nothing positive or encouraging to say.  And let me tell you this truth – lately there has just not been much of that.

But today is a time to speak, because I have remained here, in this place, silent and stuck for long enough; my heart wrecked, gridlocked with pain and loss – with no clearing of this traffic jam in sight.

There are no emergency vehicles racing to the scene of this wreck. It’s just a hopeless pile-up with no expected relief for those travelers looking for smooth-sailing easy passage.

If you want to take the detour around and avoid sitting in this traffic jam, then may I kindly suggest you stop reading now?

Don’t worry. This mess will eventually untangle and it will be safe to pass through here again without having to bear witness to this ugly wreckage of my heart.

So move along now.

If you stay this course you might be in for a wait. No telling when those emergency vehicles will arrive….

For those still reading…..

Can I share the honest truth of where my heart is at today?

I am lost.

Rejected.

Angry.

Hurt.

And I am tired.

Tired of this fight and so, so tired of the expectations and judgments of others, of those who lack grace even more than they lack understanding.

There are multiple streams of rejection, but I am stuck on one today:

I don’t have a name.

My “real” first name? She was destroyed before I knew my ABC’s. And my given last name? I lay no claim to whatsoever. Who would claim that legacy? “Unwanted daughter of Mr. Exploitation.”

So when I drifted into marriage, by the grace of God, I was given a new name. Imagine my delight – that I would be called by a new last name, adopted into a family, finally bear the mark of being called “Daughter.”

But it was not meant to be.

I am loved beyond measure by my husband.

But I am not one of them.

They never welcomed me as a daughter or sister, never claimed even our children with their hearts. They have always only ever wanted him. And they have despised my claim as belonging to him.

This has gone on for years, my fatherless heart bearing the ongoing rejection of those who never could adopt me into their fold.

And this week, I have said goodbye and proclaimed my love and affection to the father who could have been but never was. Over the phone. Because I was not wanted there.

And with all my heart all I really want to do is wrap the one who has loved me deeply and sacrificially in my arms as he grieves the loss of that which I have never known – an earthly father.

But my own orphaned heart is shredded, raging. Again. Because I am not wanted there. My presence at the funeral is neither requested OR wanted.

And I cannot comfort a loss in someone else that still breaks me in the deepest places – no matter how much I want to. Because I cannot offer that which I have never received – balm for my own fatherlessness.

And this pain is searing deep now: I have no earthly name.

I do not belong to either family.

And in case there are any of you well meaning Christian people who think that pain like this is wrapped up neatly with “encouraging” reminders that I bear God’s name, that I am HIS daughter, that I have been adopted by Him…if there are any of you still reading then may I just politely request you stop talking?

Because I know all of that.

But today* the pain of not belonging, of the rejection of my earthly position of daughter twice over and the realization that I truly bear no earthly name…..well, my heart is in pieces.

And even the love of God and the truths I “should” cling to are not magically erasing and repairing the wreckage.

They will. Eventually. And in the depth of my heart, I know He claims me, and so does my husband.

But sometimes this lifetime of rejection, of not belonging anywhere, ever – it overwhelms me.

And it is ok – necessary, even, for me to admit this pain, to own it and acknowledge it and allow myself to feel it. Because if I don’t, then I wonder…..

Will my heart ever truly accept my adoption into God’s arms if I never truly own the pain of being orphaned twice over?

I don’t think so. And I don’t think God says so either.

To everything there is a season, A time for every purpose under heaven: A time to be born, And a time to die; A time to plant, And a time to pluck what is planted; A time to kill, And a time to heal; A time to break down, And a time to build up; A time to weep, And a time to laugh; A time to mourn, And a time to dance; A time to cast away stones, And a time to gather stones; A time to embrace, And a time to refrain from embracing; A time to gain, And a time to lose; A time to keep, And a time to throw away; A time to tear, And a time to sew; A time to keep silence, And a time to speak; A time to love, And a time to hate; A time of war, And a time of peace. (Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 NKJV)

*I did not write this today.  This was written at the time of the loss, but published later for safety reasons.  Today, that pain of not belonging anywhere is strong….strong enough to remind me that I never posted this one.
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About stonescry

A survivor of sex trafficking, being healed by the grace of God.
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7 Responses to Nameless One

  1. Heather says:

    Dear friend, I am sorry you are going through this =( I have been praying for this need and will continue to pray.

    The feelings of rejection and not belonging are very familiar to me, too. While I don’t feel them as frequently now, they’re more profound, perhaps because I kept thinking I’d outgrow this “phase” of not being wanted. Here I am, many years later… too many things have stayed the same. And it can be difficult to really feel that we belong to God’s family when we’re rejected by those who profess to followers of Christ. While God Himself accepts us, and our husbands accept us, there is a loneliness that remains. The family of God is supposed to accept us, treating us as beloved sisters in Christ, worthy of their friendship and protection. So when they sin but not accepting us, WE experience the consequences of that. People who don’t want to accept the wounded, take the needy into their hearts, and form TRUSTWORTHY friendships/relationships need to realize that their rejection isn’t some passive thing that they are not held accountable for. REJECTING SOMEONE FOR UNBIBLICAL REASONS IS VICTIMIZATION. It is not your fault, it’s theirs. And, while you feel the loss and bare the brunt of that on this earth, it is also their loss because you an amazing, God-fearing woman. You have spoken truth and encouragement into my life and to everyone who reads your blog. That God-given wisdom is invaluable. Women who have been through what we have and walk through the healing process in submission to God, gain MUCH wisdom, applicable to many situations. So, yes, it hurts A LOT when someone reject us — especially parental figures — but they are harming themselves, too, by sheltering themselves from reality, truth, wisdom, etc. Proverbs speaks so highly of wisdom; yet most people I’ve met (or are related to!) don’t want to have anything to do with those who have wisdom, despite saying that they’re praying for wisdom. They want wisdom without “messiness” and difficulty, but there is no such thing.

    Anyway, I have seriously rabbit-trailed there. I meant to encourage you, but did some venting of my own. Know that I am praying for you each day throughout the day, trusting that God can heal all wounds and that this season WILL pass.

  2. Barbie says:

    My heart hurts for you. I have no words. I am praying that the longing in your heart to belong with be realized. Hugs!

  3. jwyaun says:

    I wish I had some words for you, but now I know how better to pray for you. Wish I could come physically sit beside you through this.

  4. Bridgette says:

    Like the others have written: I’m praying for you for my heart breaks at this pain you have.

  5. Peet Bekker says:

    Yes … I too am humbled at reading your post here. What I want to say is in no way intended to teach you anything but to share with you how I got a better understanding of Gods heart while doing a prayerwalk in South Africa.
    Prayerwalking from Agtertang Siding to Adamsfontein.
    On a cold winters day in the semi-desert, God revealed something livechanging
    about His grace, mercy and warm, loving Father Heart.
    It was a year ago on another prayerwalk (between Colesberg and the Gariep
    Dam) that I saw this sign. Alongside the road in the vast planes of the Karoo,
    a small dirt road crossing is indicated by an intriguing sign. It simply indicated
    Agtertang Siding in the one direction and Adamsfontein in the other direction.
    Something about the contrast between these two destinations, even on one’s
    life journey, touched me. Agtertang station is a beautiful, tranquil train station
    in the Karoo. The buildings seem to be disused, but in a very neat condition.
    The name is very interesting though; in Afrikaans the word “agtertang” refers to
    a person of ill repute; an outcast, exile, outsider, recluse, castaway. On the other
    side, the destination holds the fresh promise of clear sweet water from the wells
    of Eden at Adam’s Fountain (Adamsfontein). It felt like something profound
    may be hidden in the symbolism. I put these thoughts in my heart and continued
    on that prayerwalk.
    One evening, exactly a year later, the Holy Spirit reminded me of Agtertang
    Siding and Adamsfontein. A few days after I started praying about it, my
    wife (Marelise) asked if God wasn’t perhaps laying any new prayerwalks on
    my heart. My answer was ready and the very next weekend we were on our
    way to Agtertang Siding. It would only be a 15km prayerwalk, but we had to
    drive 600km to get there. We planned to sleep over in the nearest small town,
    Norvalspont. Someone would then drop us off at the starting point in the
    morning, and a day later pick us up at our destination, Adamsfontein.
    The long road from Johannesburg to Norvalspont gave us enough time to
    discuss and pray about what God had on His heart for this prayerwalk. My
    thoughts and prayers centred mainly around the agtertang as some person; an
    outcast, an exile, an outsider, a recluse or a castaway. I had the impression of
    someone being trapped under a yoke. I literally felt the burden on my shoulders
    while driving and praying. This lead me take a look at what God says in
    His Word about the yoke. What I read is exciting because it bears testimony
    of God’s love and mercy. It really put some confidence and courage into my
    prayer. [1]
    The ancient paths
    Father God laid something very interesting on my heart; before we started, I
    had to go visit the local pub. Because I do not drink it made me wonder why I
    had to do that …
    Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you,
    and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For
    my yoke is easy, and my burden is light. (Matthew :28-30, ESV)
    2
    Early on the first morning, while waiting to be taken to the starting point, we
    went into the pub in the hotel where we looked at old photographs of the area.
    Nothing made an impression on me until I noticed something on the wall. An
    old map of the area. What I read on that map, took my breath away! This surely
    was the reason why I had to come to the pub.
    I plotted the route of our prayerwalk on that old map and noticed the old
    farm names. A mysterious message of hope was written in those old farm names
    in the same order on the route we were about to prayerwalk. It was also the
    same message of hope which the Holy Spirit started showing me just over 12
    months ago. (The map is more than 25 years old). It is about the journey of an
    “agtertang” to his Adams Fountain and the dreams and plans for good that our
    heavenly Father has on his heart for us. It is the same story of how God restores
    and heals people’s lives, hopes and hearts. [1]
    The ancient names
    Let’s walk in it and find rest for our souls. Here are the names in the order:
    Thus says the LORD: “Stand by the roads, and look, and ask for the ancient paths, where the
    good way is; and walk in it, and find rest for your souls. But they said, ‘We will not walk in it.’
    (Jeremiah 6: 6, ESV)
    Eenzamheid ––> Uitvlugtsfontein ––> Rietfontein ––>
    Tzamenkomst ––> Vogelfontein ––> Adamsfontein
    (Loneliness ––> Fountain of Fleeing Out ––> Reed fountain ––>
    Gathering ––> Bird Fountain ––> Adams fountain)
    Eenzamheid (Loneliness)
    According to the old map the starting point of the prayerwalk was on a farm
    called Eenzamheid.
    The place where we find the “agtertang”, the outcast / exile / outsider / recluse
    / cast away, is usually a place of loneliness.
    3
    A sign with the number 68 immediately caught my attention. In my quest to
    make sense of this interesting number, I believe that it was no coincidence that
    “68” ended up being right next to the Agtertang Siding. I was surprised to read
    that the number 68 refers to God’s mercy.
    Putting a stake in the ground indicates that someone is claiming land or
    territory. In the arid landscape, right next to the siding, the territory of the
    “agtertang”, God has a stake in the ground claiming His mercy is already there.
    Another very interesting thing about this is that the word “royalty” is used 68
    times in the bible…
    Where man sees failure and incompetency, God sees the possibility of royalty.
    God looks at the heart and sees the potential. When God looks at the
    “agtertang”, He sees the person’s past, present and also the person’s future. God
    reaches down to pick up the “agtertang” and transforms that life. [1]
    Who is like the LORD our God, who is seated on high, who looks far down on the heavens and
    the earth? He raises the poor from the dust and lifts the needy from the ash heap, to make them sit
    with princes, with the princes of his people. (Psalms 3:5-8, ESV)
    Uitvlugtsfontein (The Fountain of Fleeing Out)
    The old map shows the next farm name as Uitvlugtsfontein. There is a way
    out. Father God laid something precious on my heart while we were walking
    here. I will never forget that. He would leave 99 sheep in the wilderness to fetch
    one that is lost. So many times in my life I was that “agtertang sheep”. And God
    came and He fetched me there in my place of crying, shame and dying…
    So many times I was the one with the burdens and yoke on my shoulders and
    then He would find me and put me on His shoulders. Awesome how, even in
    doing that, He rejoices! [2]
    A large stone, with a red splash of paint on top, stopped me in my tracks.
    The stone, lonely, on the dry sand was shouting something out. [3]
    The stone stands out because it is much larger than any other in the surrounding
    area. It looked like someone spilled some red paint right on top of it.
    2 What man of you, having a hundred sheep, if he has lost one of them, does not leave the ninetynine
    in the open country, and go after the one that is lost, until he finds it? And when he has
    found it, he lays it on his shoulders, rejoicing. And when he comes home, he calls together his
    friends and his neighbors, saying to them, ‘Rejoice with me, for I have found my sheep that was
    lost.’ (Luke 5:4-6, ESV)
    3 He answered, “I tell you, if these were silent, the very stones would cry out.” (Luke 9:40, ESV)
    4
    Out in the wide open spaces next to a small dirt road, a single stone cries out
    of One who loved the “agtertang” so much that He gave his life as a sacrifice.
    Moses, in the wilderness struck the rock so water could flow, and all the people
    could drink. [1] Even that rock cried out, pointing to Christ, our spiritual
    Rock. [2]
    And this is the mystery written in the ground. This is what the stone shouted
    out: There is salvation through the blood of Jesus, the last Adam, our spiritual
    Rock, the giver of living water. We were on the way to Adams Fountain.
    God, in His great love, reconciles Himself with us through His Son Jesus,
    for us to become His children. He also loves the “agtertang” infinitely. He has
    called you by name. You are valuable and precious in His eyes. [3]
    Rietfontein (Reed fountain)
    As we started this prayerwalk in the semi-desert in the Karoo, we were surprised
    by the interesting contradictions. The small dirt road took us through
    the world famous Gary Player stud farm. We saw top class thoroughbred horses
    running, playing and grazing in paddocks as large as farms. What majestic
    animals! These horses had us enthralled. The proud stance and the grace with
    which they moved almost had an air of royalty.
    My heart jumped when a stallion lifted his head stately and looked me
    squarely in the eyes. This part of the farm was originally called Rietfontein.
    Behold, I will stand before you there on the rock at Horeb, and you shall strike the rock, and water
    shall come out of it, and the people will drink.” And Moses did so, in the sight of the elders of
    Israel. (Exodus 7:6, ESV)
    2 and all drank the same spiritual drink. For they drank from the spiritual Rock that followed
    them, and the Rock was Christ.
    (I Corinthians 0:4, ESV)
    3 He who did not spare his own Son but gave him up for us all, how will he not also with him graciously
    give us all things? (Romans 8:32, ESV)
    God’s grace overwhelmed my heart. The place of the bruised reed has become
    the place of the royal stallion. [4]
    As we walked and pondered these things, we realised that the land here has
    been redeemed. This is also a message of hope for us as the bride of Christ. [5]
    I searched the bible for inspiration. In the book of Job I found a passage that
    reflects much of our prayerwalk.
    Should people see you as “agtertang” while you are pure and upright, you can
    know that when God looks at you, He sees your heart. God speaks through His
    word and tells us to look at the old ways and we shall find that man cannot live
    without God – the same as a reed cannot exist without water. [6]
    Freeman’s Alley
    It is very interesting that the entrance to “Freeman’s Alley” is locked. Almost
    as if the big gate indicated that there are no more sidings or back alleys of loneliness
    and despair. We are all one in Christ and therefore ought to walk where
    Jesus leads us. [7]
    4 a bruised reed he will not break, and a faintly burning wick he will not quench; he will faithfully
    bring forth justice. (Isaiah 42:3, ESV)
    5 You shall no more be termed Forsaken, and your land shall no more be termed Desolate, but you
    shall be called My Delight Is in Her, and your land Married; for the LORD delights in you, and
    your land shall be married. For as a young man marries a young woman, so shall your sons marry
    you, and as the bridegroom rejoices over the bride, so shall your God rejoice over you. (Isaiah
    62:4-5 ESV)
    6 If you will seek God and plead with the Almighty for mercy, if you are pure and upright, surely
    then he will rouse himself for you and restore your rightful habitation. And though your beginning
    was small, your latter days will be very great. “For inquire, please, of bygone ages, and
    consider what the fathers have searched out. For we are but of yesterday and know nothing, for
    our days on earth are a shadow. Will they not teach you and tell you and utter words out of their
    understanding? “Can papyrus grow where there is no marsh? Can reeds flourish where there is no
    water? While yet in flower and not cut down, they wither before any other plant. Such are the
    paths of all who forget God; the hope of the godless shall perish. (Job 8:5- 3, ESV)
    7 There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free, there is neither male nor female, for
    you are all one in Christ Jesus. (Galatians 3:28, ESV)
    5
    It was also no coincidence that a small truck stopped next to us. The driver
    asked what we were all about, walking in the semi-desert. When he told us what
    he was doing there, I was so surprised. He was a farrier, a specialist in equine
    hoof care. I once again see God’s heart for the “agtertang” as I read this scripture
    there next to the road: [1]
    Then we walked past a few hills and two plains. The silence and vastness gave
    us some time to reflect.
    The peace and tranquillity of the Karoo-veld was brutally broken as we came
    over a hill onto the noisy N1 highway. The field on the other side looked different.
    The grasses on the planes were not as dry and sparse. The reason: We were
    about 4 km from the Orange River.
    Tzamenkomst (Gather together)
    After fleeing out from loneliness, the outcast arrives at a refreshing place. The
    name of the next farm that we passed was Tzamenkomst.
    For I will restore health to you, and your wounds I will heal, declares the LORD, because they
    have called you an outcast: ‘It is Zion, for whom no one cares!’ (Jeremiah 30: 7, ESV)
    It is on God’s Father-heart to restore relationships and families. [2]
    Vogelfontein (Bird Fountain)
    The last farm name Vogelfontein stirs our hearts with excitement. Our first
    thought is of the eagle soaring in the wind. [3]
    An eagle speaks of someone moving into his higher calling.
    The mystery in the farm names is to me purely a display of God’s grace. He is
    a God who concerns Himself with us just because He delights in us. [4]
    2 Father of the fatherless and protector of widows is God in his holy habitation. God settles the solitary
    in a home; he leads out the prisoners to prosperity, but the rebellious dwell in a parched land.
    (Psalms 68:5-6, ESV)
    3 Isaiah 40:3 : but they who wait for the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up
    with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint. (Isaiah
    40:3 , ESV)
    4 He rescued me from my strong enemy and from those who hated me, for they were too mighty for
    me. They confronted me in the day of my calamity, but the LORD was my support. He brought
    me out into a broad place; he rescued me, because he delighted in me. The LORD dealt with me
    according to my righteousness; according to the cleanness of my hands he rewarded me. (Psalms
    8: 7-20, ESV)
    6
    Adamsfontein
    We came to the end of the prayerwalk. We followed the directions on the
    map carefully and ended up on an airfield. The airfield operator told me that
    there is no fountain. Adamsfontein is the name of the airfield.
    A name with more than one meaning. On the one hand, it reminds one of
    Eden where Adam had access to pure water. Clear, uncontaminated and deliciously
    fresh. On the other hand, there is Jesus, who calls himself the last Adam,
    and the mystery of Jesus’ promise of streams of living water. [1]
    Adamsfontein is the highlight for the “agtertang” the outcast, exile, outsider,
    recluse or castaway. They are saved out of their loneliness and despair. They are
    placed in families and relationships are restored.
    When God looks at us, He sees different from what other people see. He
    looks at us with love in His eyes. He is a God of mercy. He has the best on His
    heart for us. [2] He hasn’t forgotten us even if we think lowly of ourselves. [3]
    A prayer:
    Dear Father God. You are the God who sees. Your eyes are on the ways of
    man and You see our every footstep.
    We bow before You right now in worship.
    You alone are God, You alone are king; You are clothed with majesty.
    Jesus said to her, “Everyone who drinks of this water will be thirsty again, but whoever drinks of
    the water that I will give him will never be thirsty forever. The water that I will give him will
    become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life.” (John 4: 3- 4, ESV)
    2 For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans for wholeness and not for evil, to
    give you a future and a hope. (Jeremiah 29: , ESV)
    3 But for you who fear my name, the sun of righteousness shall rise with healing in its wings. You
    shall go out leaping like calves from the stall. (Malachi 4:2, ESV)
    You, oh God, are merciful and gracious,
    You are slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love.
    You have enlightened our eyes, to see You better.
    You are gracious to those who wait on You, for the soul who seeks after Your
    heart.
    We yearn to hear Your voice and to follow where You go and to go where You
    send us.
    In this world of chaos, unrighteousness, hate and temptations, we want to set
    our eyes on You. We want to set our hearts on journeying with You.
    We want to meet You heart to heart.
    Father we ask that You will save us now. We pray from where-ever we are
    – caught up in life’s back alleys and side lines. Lord please be merciful. Please
    show us how You really see us.
    I pray for forgiveness of sins. (Think of those things that are keeping you away
    from God. Now is a good time to confess your sins and ask God for forgiveness.)
    Father I bring before You now every person who is branded as an “agtertang”,
    an outcast, exile, outsider, recluse or castaway …
    I pray that You will call them out by name. I pray that You will heal them on
    all levels. I pray that You will open their eyes and ears, for them to see and hear
    you.
    I pray that You will lead them to where they can find rest in You. A place
    where relationships can be restored.
    I pray that You will enlarge their territory.
    I pray that they will open their hearts to You Holy Spirit, so they can soar
    with You like eagles; and with renewed strength.
    7
    I pray that they will walk and run and not be tired.
    I pray that You will lead them into their higher calling in You. I pray that You
    will bless them.
    We ask this in Jesus’ name.
    Amen
    Finding your Adamsfontein?
    We travelled 600km by car and prayerwalked the 15km to Adamsfontein.
    According to the map, we now reached our destination. My heart was still on
    the journey. Even though the sign said we were at Adamsfontein, I was expecting
    more. The airfield operator explained, to my surprise, that Adamsfontein is
    not a fountain, but the name of the airfield.
    I must admit I was confused … and fascinated. What does it mean that there
    is no fountain? I prayed about and asked God how it all fits together. Just listen
    how beautiful Father God spoke to me.
    We start with the meaning of the names of Joshua and Caleb. These two
    spies were the only two out of all the people of Israel who entered the Promised
    Land, Canaan. The name Jesus comes from the Greek translation of the
    Aramaic Yeshua. Caleb means “wholeheartedly”.
    Let us now wholeheartedly follow Jesus as he shows us the way to cross over
    into into our Promised Land.
    Israel was ready to go into the Promised Land. They camped in Shittim. They
    have been here before. During that time, however, the people fell into terrible
    sin and where the Lord punished them. Forty years later God now tells them to
    get up from Shittim and go up to the Jordan river to cross over. Leave the place
    of your sin. Cleanse yourself and get ready to go over. Then they saw the priests
    taking up the ark, and walking into the overflowing river. As their feet touched
    the water, the river stopped flowing. At the one side the river flows into the
    Dead Sea. On the other side the water heaped up at the city Adam! Only now
    the people are ready to go through. In the middle of that the dry river-bed we
    see the ark. It is made of acacia wood (Shittim wood). It is pointing us to Jesus.
    The acacia wood symbolizes His humanity. The pure gold with which it is
    overlaid is the symbol of His deity. Inside the Ark of the Covenant, the stone
    tablets with the law reminds us that Jesus, the perfect man, never broke the
    law. The golden pot of manna points to Jesus as the Bread of life and the rod of
    Aaron that blossomed, also points to Jesus who was dead and rose back to life.
    Between Adam, our old nature on the one side, and the Dead Sea full of dead
    works, on the other side, we cross over on dry land. We can now mount up
    with wings, like eagles in the wind of the Holy Spirit to reach new heights.
    Adamsfontein is the place where the “agtertang” in his wholehearted
    searching after and walking with God, moves into his higher calling.
    As we reflect on this prayerwalk from Agtertang Siding to Adamsfontein, I
    hear God asking the same question He asked the Israelites so long ago:
    Do you remember your journey from Shittim to Gilgal? [1] It was a short distance,
    but it took forty years to complete. I believe that God showed Himself
    to us on, this prayerwalk, as a merciful and righteous God. Let us do what He
    expects from us in our walk with Him.
    The LORD is requiring from us:
    • to act with justice
    • to treasure the LORD’s gracious love
    • to walk humbly with Him

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